i'm awake

Now I'm just annoyed 

That's all. I'm awake. I'm not sleepy but I'm terribly tired. I don't want to read, my eyes are already dry and they hurt from the back. I don't want to watch tv, I'll get interested and have to finish whatever I start. 

I don't want to listen to a podcast about How Things Work, What I missed in History Class. Last time that happened I ended up dreaming about Jack the Ripper terrorizing White Chapel or Bluebeard torturing little boys or how Mary Queen of Scots never had a chance. 

asian tv annoys me. Everything has to be cute. Everything needs a fluffy animal or a model with way too fake eyelashes singing with a fluffy animal. how can you have a beer commercial with a bouncing cute tiger teddy bear thing that hands off cans of beer to 18 year olds whose hair turns green after one sip? 

what kind of marketing genius equated beer with cuteness? 

我累死了！　就要ｓｌｅｅｐ！　需要ｓｌｅｅｐ　每一天不要喝酒吃藥讓我睡覺　

Taking a break from Chinese class hasn't helped. I am currently taking a trimester off, justified by my trip back home. Didn't have the money to spare to waste on tuition and a plane ticket. 

I've probably forgotten more in a month than I learned all last trimester.

I should do something about that. But that would require getting up early and that would cut down on the few precious hours i do get. 

inspiration

i'll read my Chinese books. of course not now. later. later today. as it is 2 AM 

I'll even make some tea and use that ridiculous mug I got for being awarded Best Teacher for six months. I don't know, however long it takes them to scrape up enough names to make it worth having a ceremony for. 

honored; no way

proud of myself; kinda

wary that this is a way of getting me to do something i don't want to do later on: most definitly. 

I will get up on stage with dozens of other people, receive my plate or whatever it is this time around, and have to pretend that getting a 'golden hippo' award means something even though for me this teaching in Taiwan gig is just a speed bump in the rest of my life and has nothing to do with what I will be doing in the future (fingers crossed) 

What I won't be doing, is sleeping. 

Don't even have any milk to warm up and spike with brandy, mom's home remedy for sleepless nights. 

No nails to paint, no photos to upload. Nothing to print, no Sudoku games half finished. 

no paper to draw on, not even a single thought of a lame photoshop picture to draw. 

How do you fall asleep? Have a routine? Spike your dinner with a sleepytime cocktail of prescriptions? Hit your head on the wall?

i'm not drowsy and creative. I'm achy and irate. 

I've watched the sun come up twice this week and can find no fault in my pillows' fluffiness. My blankets fuzziness, the temperature, the volume of the ac blowing, the darkness of my room. 

my head just won't turn off. 

I've actually tried, and laugh all you want, counting sheep. 

like those claymation sheep from that one claymation movie. only I think, why a fence? why jump over? why not go around, its not  a long fence. Is it electric? then I'm counting electrocuted sheep, then its the same sheep, going round and round getting shocked. 

And why is claymation spelled wrong anyways?

Ps: I posted this, and then this was the relevant ad google came up with:

i'm too tired to worry about cropping and sizing. I can't believe that sizing is spelled right and claymation isn't even a word. 


I even stayed awake long enough to draw a picture, though not a very good one.