Thursday, March 24, 2011

i was totally going to write something

sometimes i get what seem like great ideas randomly (usually while making fun of someone in my head) and since I'm not 3g wired in all the time i have a little notebook that i scribble in and make myself look cool while on the bus or subway. 

Only, because i'm writing while on the bus i can usually count on not being able to read my writing after getting off the bus or I'm  looking at it a month later and have no idea what I was talking about. 

Here are some of the things I wrote that I'm not really able to account for. 

1/11/11- Wow, how often does that happen? I hope I'll be around for the next one! (i figured out later that was because the date was so cool) 

1/13/11- Lavender flavored gum: not as unpleasant as it sounds but still a bad idea. it really is like chewing on that powder you sprinkle on the carpet to make it smell good 

1:30 PM- ripped purse pocket on hook in pillar on sidewalk. Lame. There really is a hook just randomly sticking out of some pillar. I have proof.

?- SWEATERFED, i could write a song that no one would figure out and everyone would sing it! I guess that's the name of my yet to be written mystery song

?- vegetarian stanach

2/11/11- I know I wrote that but i have no idea what it means, stomach? starch? staunch? really? seriously? Referring to the previous vegetarian something entry.

Total proof

i'm sick of being sick

This will be the second time in two weeks I've lost my voice. It's like, you know in your dreams you can never run fast enough, its like that only this sucks in real life.

No amount of tea/honey/warm water is helping. Although I always wished this would happen when I had a big test in school or Spanish class or square dancing in PE class, it's quite a nuisance now that i get paid to talk.

How not being able to talk in pe would stop me from having to square dance or play flag football i don't know.
Now that I think about it I didn't play flag football anyways! Go me!

Friday, March 11, 2011

its a viscious cycle

my purple haze of pollen

I generate so much trash, esp this time of year. Its a cycle, and it goes something like this:

step one: My old flowers die and loved them so much so I skip on over to the flower market and enjoy cheap orchids, yellow puff balls and lilies. 

step two: I set them up in the place most likely to be enjoyed by me, the tv room and my bedroom. They bloom, they smell great and I soak up all the uv rays from the special light I have for orchids.

step three: I soak up so much that pollen makes my sinuses go crazy. I think my record is nine sneezes in two mins.

step four: I suffer, in snotty misery for about a week. Enjoying my flowers all the time and my own box of tissue as my sidekick. A few boxes later I take anti histamines and of course those things are a pain to open. All those child proof foil sterile things that cause me such confusion. A few benedylls later I zone out for hours watching flowers wilt.

repeat steps one through four for a  few months.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Look what I found on the side of the street!

its actually a fake owl, its post says "La New" which is a brand of shoe here in Taiwan.

what housewives blog about

I'm amazed at how categorized blogger is. I get bored and insanely curious what other people blog about because I'm sure there has to be something other than complaining so I scroll through a few random blogs and I get 10 blogs in a row written by housewives with two kids who are 'living frugally' and collecting their own eggs from some back woods farm in Ohio, Texas, Oregon, Idaho, Kansas and all those other places with chickens and eggs.

It seems besides blogging, these mommies are devout stamp/greeting card/scrapbooking experts and who's latest pictures of fringed and embossed samples come second only to the latest  video of their child's struggle to master the English language and the first day of school.

I've learned so much about the different state fairs, carnival rides, back to school shopping sales, eggs.

And not just chicken eggs. There are so many apps out there for the measuring of your egg (ladies)  during its journey into fetus-hood and the exact age to the second your child is. Gross.

Between noon and 3 here I get Malaysian blogs, and Christian missionaries and such things.

But just as my family and two other people who read this blog and want to know what happens in my day and how my eggs are doing and my current belly measurements, who am I to judge.

I guess way to go computer literate housewives who squeeze in time to sew and knit and emboss things and then sell them online.

My mom should do that. She could totally write about these things:

Here are just a few of the weird blogs i wonder why people bother writing inspirations I stumbled on:

Sunday, March 6, 2011


i don't remember my first ear piercing.

i do remember my second, third, and fourth.

i feel like its time for another. where is a good place to get another piercing? 

i need a non slutty place to put another piece of are some ideas:

that web of skin between my thumb and finger

I'm open to other suggestions.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

stark raving...a la Mr. Sheen

After Mr. Sheen did this radio interview ,
I did this: charlie sheen mad lib and I came up with this
Your Qad Lib
“I am on a drug. It’s called jessica. If you try it once, you will get pins and needles. Your eyeballs will melt off, and your uncle, aunt, third cousin will vomit over your drop kicked midget body … I’m tired of pretending like I’m not appropriate—a total freaking time traveler from earth. I’ve got manbearpig blood, apollo 13 DNA! … They picked a fight with a batman. They’re trying to take all my time traveling DeLoreans and leave me with no means to take a bus to my family. It’s not scientology! They owe me an apology while petting my right knee … I don’t think people are ready for the joystick I’m delivering, and delivering with a sense of necromanic love. I exposed steaks to magic! Here’s your blood test. Next one goes in your eye!”


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