conflicting Zoo Signs

What about an elephant bath instead of a climbing one?

Taiwan wedding pictures phase 6: before and after

UPDATED:
I found more evidence that Taiwanese people are pretty into changing their looks and go to even more extremes than digital touch ups. (They probably uglified those kids to make the ad work!)

"The only thing you have to worry about after plastic surgery is the explaining you'll have to do to your children"

It's amazing what photoshop can do. I mean we all know the celebrity airbrushed photos on magazine covers aren't real, no one really looks like that. Except Ms Spears of course.

So what could the magic of touch ups do to normal looking people. Luckily we got the normal and the touched up pictures.

AAAAhhahahAhhahahahhahahah. Oh that's sad. Even my neck...awww. lame.

it's not that funny

Seriously though, this is pretty embarrassing. But I can still laugh, this is the Taiwan ideal bride to be I guess. I wonder if I had gotten these done in the states if the same changes would have been made. This is pretty awesome though, why waste time on the gym when I can save the money and pay the photographer to spruce up any folds, or rolls. Or chins.

At least we got what we paid for, looking awesome in our pictures.

Taiwan wedding pictures phase 5

I call this part: Pick and Save

The choosing of the pictures! I'm pretty nervous to see what the photographer thought was my 'good side' and how all the 'chin down' worked. I also didn't get a chance to see what I looked like half the time so it'll be a surprise/disappointment.


Ok, so we choose our pictures!

So the lady showed us about 200 frames, it was pretty easy to get rid of half of those. Poses that he suggested that we both knew were stupid, ones where either one of us looked absurd/fat/sweaty/like we're about to sneeze.

So from 100 we went through about two more times and got it down to 40 that we pretty much liked. A few shots from each location, each dress change and one individual of each of us.

I had been told that this is the part where they try to sell you on extra pictures. Each extra picture costs from $800-$1500 NT. That's like $20-$40 US for each picture you want added into your album and photoshopped. LAME. Even for just the raw file, not put into the album or anything is $500 NT ($15).

I was pleasantly surprised that no one tried to sell to us, they just gave us the computer and let us chose, they told us to write down the number of the ones we wanted, and make any special requests as far as fixing some arm fat, tan lines, mole/freckle removal. It's going to be awesome.

maybe i won't look that awesome but something like that

So we decided we couldn't live out 30 pictures, so we paid for 4 extra pictures (and yes you have to pay right then for extras) hopefully they will be worth it. We shall see after the digital enhancement of our hot selves next week how we want the finished album to look and which picture we should chose for our giant poster sized picture.

And Chi made an excellent request, that next time when we go look at the final touched up pictures and pick up our CD with the images we can get the untouched frames on there too. This isn't a normal thing so if you want the files be sure to ask for them. I'm pretty sure you can only ask for the ones you're paying for though.

We see the newly touched up pictures on Sunday...

Oh yeah...one more thing I wanted to say to the boss lady who helped me try on the dresses...

Phase 4: Glamour shots!

I'll call this part: Not Cute Enough!

We started at 8 AM
Hair and makeup (for the first time) took 2 hours. While I didn't get the exact hair style I wanted, what she gave me was adequate, it looked nice enough. I will say the 'natural look' wasn't very natural looking but for pictures you kinda go overboard.

So we went across the street and took pictures as the CKS memorial. Those were kinda fun, too bad it was so bright out. So I was Squinty and Chi was More Squinty than Usual.

Awesomeness: I used America's Next Top Model advice and kept my eyes closed and counted down to take the picture so I only opened them right when the camera went off. Hopefully we got a few good ones.

So uncool I could kick myself for not saying anything: there is this little bridge and pond that I wanted pictures at, and we took a few around the pond but I wanted the stupid bridge! I should have said something before we left but I thought we were going to the other side. But we left. And my dreams were again dashed in a Koi pond of sorrow.


By then it was 12.

Next we went to the beach. A long way away. Maybe two hours. Nothing that great happened there, the sun wasn't as bright but the water wasn't as blue either (hello photoshop filter!) I asked for a makeup touch up because I wanted purple eyeshadow. 

before

after photoshop coolness 

So uncool I could kick myself for not saying anything: I'm sure the makeup was fine, but I have to say that my hair was a bit disappointing. I wanted it down sure, but I didn't like the stupid princess tiara comb thing she stuck on the top. 


 He wanted us to to lame ass poses like kick our feet up with the sand and play in the water...which was refreshing. But still, super lame.


Then we went to some waterfall in Beitou that was an hour away, that the taxi, YES TAXI DRIVER, couldn't find. 


So for all that extra money when I thought we'd be hiring a car service with a van big enough to fit everyone, we get a taxi driver with a Toyota Wish. At least Chi and I didn't get the crappy back seats. 


So taxi driver gets lost, photographer, assistant, and makeup lady don't remember where it is. 
We finally find it at 6pm and we're losing light and a generous covering of off bug repellent couldn't keep the mosquitoes off and I hope I hid my flip flops under the dress because the hell I was wearing heels up slippery slimy rocks with garbage all over.
Hopefully those turned out nice because I like that green dress.

Oh yeah
So uncool I could kick myself for not saying anything: that green dress kept almost falling off. I thought the lady was going to fix all my dresses to my size, I guess she decided that one was fine as long as I held it up the whole time. LAME.

After the waterfall we head to a place next to Taipei 101 where we can get some shots of the whole building. We only spent a few mins there. Most of the time was spent on makeup. And of course.


So uncool I could kick myself for not saying anything: I give her a picture of what I want my makeup to look like and she doesn't do it. I guess I wasn't aware I only get one makeup look and the rest of the time she just piled on the eyeliner and shadow. If I hadn't given her the lipstick I wanted, I bet I would have gotten the same thing in all the pictures. She also did this weird thing with the lipstick where she didn't put it on all my bottom lip, it was totally obvious but she said so that my lips don't look too big she did it on purpose. We'll see how those pictures turn out. She didn't even have any makeup remover once we were finished. So I wouldn't have gotten a change in makeup no matter what. LAME

A few shots at Ximen, someone else asking me to marry them, other people taking pictures of us and we were done outside. It was 930pm. 




We went back to the studio for one last session in traditional Chinese outfits for the hell of it. 


So uncool I could kick myself for not saying anything: I wanted to ask for two little buns for my next hair-do since I didn't get to chose the last three that I had (super lame!) But she just started doing something else. It didn't look bad, but I didn't get what I wanted!!!


But we had fun doing our own thing up in their studio. They had the usual red backdrop and some lame airbrushed forest one like for Sears family portraits in 1995. And then some old Chinese looking cabinet next to a random shelf of ugly old stuff. 


Awesomeness:
The photographer tried to give us instruments to play with and we're like hell no. So Chi busted out his 3DS and I got out my Kindle and we took a few like that. 


I think the photographer had no clue what we were doing but Chi got behind me and (ever so offensively) gave me the ole' chink eyes that we all used to do when we were kids making fun of evey Asian person.

We were going for something like this:

 I can't wait to see how those turn out.

Thundercats!

This way to the Thundercats
and Gimp Rhino

oops. oh well, Thanks Brianne!

so for the first time in my life I've had my eyebrows done! They've been plucked (by a friend) and shaved  (by the makeup lady who works for the photo studio). There was less pain than I thought there would be and hopefully they won't grow back like armpit stubble.


And speaking of annoying don't you hate it when you (ever so thoughtfully and painstakingly and over coming shyness-ly) comment on a blog and then it says it will be published after being reviewed...and then you go back later and forgot if you actually commented or not because it hasn't shown up yet (if it ever does, but that's a whole other kind of shame and madness). 

So either I quit commenting or just multi comment  the same thing again and again until it shows up. I'm like good spam! Back to my eyebrows though...not too much, nothing crazy, just cleaner around the edges.


and for that I'd like to thank Bri

Hey sister, remember this?

I remember this one period in our lives when my sister was obsessed with anything iridescent/sparkly and rainbows in general. I don't know why my parents thought she did this but I know the real reason.

So precious! I forget how long she kept a container of fish scales but I don't think we had anymore fish after that. We moved up to hamsters. Less shiny but much more fun.

Phase 3 nip, tuck and suck it in

I call this next part Just Plain old degrading

sure they have dozens of dresses from stuff your grandma would wear to stuff no one would wear. All colors and amount of frills, lace, flowers, and beads. What you don't see at first, not until you try it on is all the pit stains, ripped hems, makeup stains, and oddly positioned sewn in bra cups and of course the whole difference between you and the rest of the Taiwanese female population.

Asian

Me

I'm really not kidding...I'm not being mean and most people can't help it...but seriously I'm not kidding

Asian

Me

 These dresses are not made for anyone with a bust, hips or ass. What give these stick like creatures the lovely shape they crave in their pictures are the layers of tulle that puff out and look like hips, the bodice that is deliberately cut high up and straps shortened to give the illusion through the help of padding that you have chest. For me that means I have boob cups sitting on top of my boobs and massive hips.

instead of this..

Ok, maybe more like this...

it ends up looking more like this.

So I finally found my four dresses, the colors I liked and the cut that while not totally flattering does highlight assets. And if I hold the train just-so then it'll look great from the neck up. Just remember there are tons of different poses that will hide/highlight whatever needs to be, and there's always photoshop!

It's so cheesy but I love this dress, too bad its satin...:(

So I'll work with it, if I wanted designer dresses made in the last five years then I would have had to pay double, for what we're paying it'll do. There's a wedding dress too that looks alright, but I totally forget what it looks like. I guess I'll find out when I get there and remember.

Phase 4: Lights, camera, strike a pose.