Monday, December 26, 2011

putty time

Every year I get silly putty for Christmas but instead of having an enormous mound of the stuff I seem to magically run out of it by December. Imagine that. 

Inspired by Christmas, a blog post, and cocktails here's the story of how silly putty all got started.

 GE scientist James Wright in an effort to invent a synthetic rubber came up with something pretty amazing. A non-Newtonian fluid that could bounce. Pretty soon he realized this was not the answer to rubber nor could anyone find a use for his pretty much useless invention. 

Fast forward to best cocktail party ever (excluding the bloggess dinner party which might in some alternate universe has already happened) 

Ad exec and amateur magician (not really) Peter Hodgson decides to run with it... and convinces toy shop owner Ruth Fallgatter to sell what will be known henceforth as the thing going to become Silly Putty. 

Following his gut Mr. Hodgson takes the logical next step, he buys more of the original and then makes millions of copies for his friends to buy on the cheap. 

In this case he hires chemists to derive the formula James Wright stumbled on, gets into manufacturing and distributing through his own company and starts peddling that putty!

Kids love, adults love it until kids get it on the carpet/ the dog eats it/their favorite section in the newspaper has been puttied so many times it's illegible.

and it looks like gum, and its a pain in the butt to get out of the carpet.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Kindle Fire - exactly what I think i want

Kindle Fire - Full Color 7" Multi-Touch Display with Wi-Fi - More than a Tablet:

I'm trying to justify why this would make an awesome holiday gift from myself to myself. But when would I ever use it?

A: all the time just for the hell of it, to show people that it's not an ipad

Sure, but what would I do with it? I mean I already have an mp3 player, a normal Kindle, and a tv.

A: download free graphic novels, watch old Southpark episodes

Ok but it doesn't have 3g so it's not like I can check email or play a game, so is it really worth it?

A: well, people have ipad's don't they? I mean aren't those just as pointless? And Amazon has streaming shows, netflix, hulu and that cloud thing where I can keep all my stuff.

Yes, but none of that works in Taiwan.

A: lame.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

you wish you did it too

I guess at 2AM on 11/22 I had something on my mind that just couldn't wait so I wrote it down somewhere and found it today! hooray!

Sometimes I put on a show for the people I imagine have a telescope pointed at my window. Mostly it involves my leaving the shower naked to find a towel . But sometimes I'll treat the peeping toms to 'walking like an eygpytian' all over the place.
If  you have known me for years and you think I'm not the kind of person who does that sort of thing then I say to you, 'Hell no, I don't do that crap. Not in public, and certainly not for free. And I dare you to call me a liar!'

And when you do, then I'll say that you had better point your telescope at the heavenly bodies it was intended for.
PS Does it make it any weirder that it's my kitchen window? Because it probably should!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

just a few moleskine thoughts, and i've been reading a lot

my photoshop isn't working so no pictures :(

but in other news:

in case you hadn't noticed i was like 20 books behind on my reading goal for the year. I haven't killed zombies, drank wine, watched House or even opened this blog because I was all up in my Kindle getting it done. I think I can make it, given that I have to read 20 more books before the end of Dec, and that I have a whole list of 100 page books I can choose from.
Congrats to me!

And for everyone else, here are some random smatterings from my little observations otherwise known as 'things that either pissed me off or were interesting enough that I took the time to write down while taking the mrt back home'

2/28- Fat lady smelled like ham and cheese<-- i was probably pretty happy about that one
       - people walked in front of an ambulance in front of the hospital, woman gave me a look for waiting<--the crosswalk in in front of the emergency room entrance, I wait until the ambulance pulls in before crossing and the person behind me has to walk around me, turn around, give me a look and just so happened to be in the middle of the road with an ambulance trying to get into the hospital. 

5/5/11- Don't try and open eyes while still wearing sleep mask, esp one with towel like lining<-- that must not have felt too good.

2/25- Confession: I don't like little kids singing

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

a little surprise today

nothing much had been happening lately. No dreams worth mentioning, no pedestrian fashion disasters to report, the students are just trying to get through lessons as painlessly as possible and survive their midterms. 

Although today was immensely more amusing than yesterday. Wednesdays can be painful and are the main source of my stress and parental complaints or they can be a hump day treat. 

Today the older class had little situations to act out pertinent to the unit and came up with some good stuff. From dragging another classmate to donate blood to a heart wrenching display of helping the elderly. The girl playing the old woman found a way to die after listening to the story that was read to her. 

So that was in the afternoon, in the evening were the smaller, younger class. These 2nd graders aren't too bad, there's only a few lost causes. Most of them are quiet smart. There are two kids who still piss themselves occasionally but it hasn't happened in awhile. I thought we were past it. 

Well, while the kids were standing around the back of the classroom waiting for my co teacher to check some of their work when I notice the students in the back are pointing to something on the floor. 

Mr. Pee pants is standing in the center of the general pointing and being confused circle so I walk to the back of the classroom and see what's up. 

And there on the floor are three little poo piles. A few crumbs and a nice glob are in front of the co teachers desk. The girls standing next to the culprit ask what is that. I swear I didn't know at first. Because this would be the first time I've sighted crap on the floor of classroom that wasn't swarming with kindergarten kids still getting the hang of potty training. 

So he just stands there while I send the rest of the class out and give them some candy so hopefully they'll have forgotten about it before they go home and tell their parents. 

A few other chinese staff members come up and help clean up. You'd think a school would have proper poop picking up equipment, not paper towels, a plastic bag and a spray bottle of alcohol.

The only dude co teacher who works at the branch tried to get Mr. Hankey as I shall now call him to admit it but that kid still just stood there in the middle of his own mess and didn't say anything. Didn't even cry or help clean up or say anything. 

The bell rang and the kids were back in their seats after the break and my co teacher informed me that she had actually seen Mr. Hankey drop a few, I had to run outside the classroom and ended up with a stitch in my side from laughing so hard. 

We decided to pretend the whole thing didn't happen and not tell the kids to not make fun of anyone who just happened to make a deposit on the floor. Although for the rest of the class I was reluctant to touch anything that came from the vicinity of Mr. Hankey's chair.

And then of course on the way out he left a few more drops in the hallway. This was totally better than yesterday when nothing really happened.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

my dreams

so i had this dream...
somehow my sister's room had been infiltrated by three octopi and some other fish like shrimpy things. The trick was to catch them in some kind of vase before stepping on them and crushing them, because squashed squid on your shoe is just about the worst thing that could ever happen.

That and somehow our family dog had been resurrected and instead of lethally hunting down the offending sea life I was more afraid of the little pug getting its face sucked off a la alien face hugger.

it was certainly odd. chasing a little red octopus around with a net used for goldfish while my sister wandered around trying to stop the dog from putting his little face into the corners while the green octopus hovered above him ready to pounce.

perhaps i'll draw a picture.

Or perhaps i'll let it congeal in the back of my mind and give up any attempts to render whatever is going on in my head into the real photoshopped world.

lucky for me someone at did it for me...
   +      =  my saturday night

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

too sunburned to write, even my brain feels fried

But now i'm finally peeling. I've been to the beach more often in the past two weeks than I have in two years. Who knew it was just a 2 hour train ride away? Awesome.

But now there's sand everywhere in my room and and how the hell do you get sound out of the lining of your bikini? I've given up on that one.

And it's been two months since I did something to my hair. I'm trying to think of something subversive enough to not have to do all the marketing talking to parents open house type stuff yet not too crazy to have parents calling and complaining (which they freaking do, we should stop giving them the corporate office number).

I'll think of something.

Did you know they made an Anaconda 4?  in 2009? Why do people still watch that crap? There are equally crappy movies that have nothing to do with snakes that they could be watching. Like giant alligator/crocodile  matchups with the late David Carridine pretending to be sober enough to act.:

Dinocroc vs. Supergator

but seriously, don't see that movie. Instead send me an email and tell me what to write about. When I was sure I was coming home in Dec all I could think about was stuff from back home. Now that it's not happening I'm back in Taipei comatose mode. Now I all I think about is the next three day weekend and playing Fallout 3 again with bad karma this time.

Would you believe my English is getting worse? I catch myself talking like my students do and it takes me a minute to figure out what I was trying to say before it came out all chinglish. Even Chi doesn't talk about anything other than work now.

And I'm 13 books behind on my reading goal for 2011. I'm just not enthralled with anything I'm reading right now. Although I'm liking this prison break book Papillon which I borrowed and swear I will return it eventually.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

i had to promise

So, the question was
1. Which do you ignore the most?
a. your homework                     b. the tv                          c. your parents

and most of the students picked a, of course. And then little Elaine timidly raises her hand, and asked "You're not going to tell my parents are you? Don't tell my parents..." and tells the whole class she ignores her folks the most.
Of course anyone with a cellphone in the class threatens to call her mom and I can't help being highly amused.
I'll just gloss over the fact that the majority of the class just admitted to basically faking it on all their homework and writing it a few mins before class.
Oh well. At least they told it to me in English.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

the biggest snail i ever saw...i swear I'll update this post later

i saw the biggest snail i have ever seen in my life and of course i didn't have my camera. I was walking to the supermarket during class to buy some of my students ice cream that I had forgotten I promised them months ago. Of course they remembered so while they were enjoying movie day I snuck off across the street to find cheap ice cream. In the rain.
And the rain in Taipei brings out all kinds of life I never see on the sunny humid want to die in a puddle of your own sweat kind of days.
first there are the mosquito that congregate outside my front door in the stairwell of my apartment. By the time I finish with my electric racquet there's a pungent electrified bug smell wafting down four flights of stairs.

then there are the snails. I've seen some slugs in Washington, I've even stepped on a few to my ultimate horror. Think banana peel .... Although the worst thing I've ever stepped in would by own shoe...squirming inside with live maggot things that had crawled in during the night. How was I supposed to know there was a practical reason the local aboriginal people of some mountain town all wore flip flops and fake Crocs and that my sneakers were fair game for egg laying insects everywhere. They had just slaughtered a goat the night before, maybe I should have taken my shoes inside.
Anyways WA slugs have nothing on Taiwanese snails. First off, its a freaking snail, there's no way you're accidentally stepping on one of those suckers without noticing right away.

I've had too many beers to draw something adequately squishy and monstrously sized not to mention show maggots and singed mosquito death but I will leave everyone with this odd picture and I promise I'll revisit this snail thing when I feel more steady handed...

chicken from the supermarket, with head and feet

Monday, July 11, 2011

no flash photography?

I don't understand a lot of things. Here's one of them: the zoo. 

It is an awesome and arduous place where you can take a pleasant stroll in scorching weather and take refuge in the air conditioned nocturnal animals house...

eat disgusting junk food flavored with the natural aroma of hundreds of animals pooping...

and of course see a plethora of animals in lovely man made habits mimicking the natural environments they once called home...

Now with all of these things we can enjoy at the zoo, why would they restrict the most basic of 21century social networking right, the right to take a pretty picture with flash?

I mean, Chi's hamster has spent most of its life in front of lights of some kind, and its just fine. 

How would a little flash kill a panda that's just sleeping anyways?

I'm mystified as usual.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


Blister popped by Chi, he got splattered with high velocity pus, and it was gross. He was not amused.

end of update.

oh yeah, and this happened. 

those crazy antisemitic 6 year olds can't spell 'are!'

Monday, June 27, 2011

no pain, no free haircut

I have a huge blister on my foot

 because of the high heels I had to wear, which I haven't done in months

because of a photo shoot I did 

 because I agreed to be a hair model for a salon competition.

because I'm such a nice person

Saturday, June 18, 2011