Monday, July 16, 2012

He's got the right idea

play basketball, swim, watch tv, eat ice cream, sit under the AC, draw pictures and...
Yup, that's right! Who wears clothes at home anyways? It's summer!
 And that's not how you spell teakettle.

Friday, July 13, 2012

no, you can't have my shoes

You can't even borrow my shoes. I am getting to be a mean old lady. And I'm not even that old or a lady. But I have no patience when it comes to Filipino shenanigans or come on's. When I go to the beach, I want a tan. And to pee in the water. And drink fruity beer and let it all hang out. But mostly tan and pee. So don't ask me to lend you my shoes because you were a dumb ass and forgot to being your own flip flops to the beach and are on some tour group outing and think you're the awesomest gift to lady kind because you style your hair and have fake Raybans.

After so many fruity beers your charms aren't so charming and your broken English is annoying and although your Chinese is clearly, you can't borrow my ridiculously small sized flip flops to swim in the water because you didn't bring yours and have normal fake shoes from some night market in Taipei.
But thanks for asking.

Better luck next time.

Like when you worked your way over to the ladies sitting a few feet in front of us and talked them into letting you use some shoes while you tip toed around the water and left to get something to drink from 7-11. I'm sure Miss Second Choice Bigfoot got her shoes back eventually. I had a lovely time at the beach by the way.
Except for the jelly fish (or other stinging animal) that left horrible welts all over my legs. The next time I get myself in the ocean I will pee twice as much as a slap in the face to all the things that bite/sting/burn/touch me in the water.

Monday, July 9, 2012

things I won't miss about Taiwan2

3. things that bite me, especially things I can't see in the ocean. I think I'll go to the clinic tomorrow and figure this thing out.

4. No concept of personal space. Or privacy. At all.

That's my friend's head in the corner and those are the dudes who invaded our space.

this was how empty the rest of the beach was.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

things i will not miss about taiwan

1. Lady purses on dudes. Not man purses, but seriously your mom's old purse on some 19 year old guy. If dudes are doing this back in the states...I'll still point and laugh just like I do here but only as long his purse isn't big enough to carry a gun.

2. Families in matching clothes. Like kindergarten kids, mom and dad wearing the same thing. If your clothes match your kids' If you can't recognize your wife and kid in a crowd so you have to look down at what you're wearing and then find them...I can't even finish that sentence.


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