Wednesday, November 24, 2010

happy thanksgiving

things I am thankful for:
-i have enough money to eat
- I don't have to work until the afternoon so i have time to do this
- No one has a mortal grudge against me, that I know of
- I have a raise coming up
- I still have some See's candies left
- I have a box of Andes mints that I'm still working through
- I found Ranch dressing at the supermarket here (although it tastes like mayo)
- I don't have to cook a thanksgiving dinner
- I have a kindle, and I don't know anyone else in this country that has one! hahahahah! I win!
- I don't have mono or swine flu or other diseases
- I'm not wanted in any country for crimes i may or may not have committed.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

i've been so sick

i've been so sick the past two weeks its not even worth mentioning. Lets just say feverish dreams convinced me that i had already quit my job, made my way back home and was about to be fed some tomato soup (which i dislike terribly) and a ham sandwich (which i love more than anything) by my mom (whom I also am fond of) in the land of Oz.Yes, i can call Oz home and you can't do a thing about it.

Yes, before trying to fall asleep in a sweat soaked bed I've been trying to read the most boring yet pleasant things i can, I know from experience that fever + medicine = horrific dreams if not coaxed from the beginning to be all fluffly and peaceful.

Since i don't have my taped off tv care bears movies then the complete Frank L. Baum Oz collection would have to do. I hadn't realized how much awful, sweet, polite, politically incorrect, repetitive and wonderful books were written about my least favorite heroine Dorthy. I seriously can't stand that chick, she just sits around passing judgment, calling people stupid, and once tossed some water on a witch. She never bothered to bring back anything that would help her aunt and uncle, wasted wishes on getting halfway to where they were actually trying to go instead of curing world hunger, and never got bestowed with a donkey head or disemboweled or anything that happened to everyone around her.

But I did get to dream about ham sandwiches and Oz and everything was green but not from mildew as it often is here.

I'd rather try something else but safe boring and polite dream inducing books I can't think of at the moment. Any suggestions?

I made the mistake of listening to The Heart of Darkness podcast to sleep last night read by some guy with a voice like Johnny Cash after five cigars and a quart of milk. Luckily my fever was gone and the worst I came up with was drowning in ink in the middle of some African desert. Mr. Conrad isn't very politically correct either.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I got spam!

Not long ago I made what I thought was a simple comment on another blog, not something I do often figured what the hell. After that I got what I thought were a few comments from someone other than my dad. I was so stoked, people taking the time out of their days to not only make my day but enrich my whole blogging experience. 

I see a comment in terrible English and pass no judgment. I teach children bad English all the time. But at least they don’t speak good. Who am I to disparage a friendly comment about my good writing and great article...whatever. 

I make the mistake of clicking a name and get whisked away to a great site where all my Louis Vuitton needs can be met and I get half off great sandals. 

At first I was elated that someone likes to read random blogs from random people.

Then I was all, seriously people how lame can you get spamming a lowly blog that only one friend and mom check on a regular basis. What's the point?

Then I thought about it another way and totally got the warm fuzzies all over again. If my comment spawned another comment that demon birthed spam all over my blog, its like a vicious circle drawn by a spirograph that gets bigger and bigger and more entwined and means that at least someone out there cares enough to spam me. 

I’ve finally gotten past the little tiny circles on the inside and moved on to bigger and better ones where random bots and matrix agents are finding my blog and attempting to connect their fabulous fake gucci bags with my credit card number! 

Bring it on suckers! I can’t wait to see what prada fakers and chanel copy cats have to say about about my blog!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

things I haven’t done…

things i haven't done in more than 6 months: 
  • been to the hot springs
  • cleaned my bathroom (eewww)
  • bought a plant (I buy them all the time since I have a black thumb and kill everything I touch)
  • taken a vitamin (fiber doesn’t count)

things I haven’t done in 1 month:
  • painted my nails (my sister did that for me)
  • finished reading a paper book (hooray kindle!)
  • killed a mosquito with my electric racket
  • worn earrings in all my piercings (there aren’t that many…)

things I haven’t done in the past 2 days
  • taken a shower (eewwww)
  • brushed my hair
  • worn shoes (that’s right I wear flip flops to work)
To do: 

    Wednesday, November 10, 2010

    Oh yeah, you bet I did...

    I thought this one deserved a thing all of its own. That is a toilet in Japan. That armrest thing on the side is all kids of fun flushing/cleaning/sound barrier creating goodness that (while the plane was boarding) I had to play with. 

    Not only can you adjust pressure and volume, for those sushi loaded times of the day you can press the 'powerful deodorizer' 
    I did push it, and was disappointed that some fan just came on from somewhere in the bowl. I guess i was expecting more of a incense infusion to be released from above me. 

    In all I was dissapointed. The fart muffling flushing sound was obviously prerecorded and everyone would know exactly what was going on when you push it. I couldn't figure out how to easily stop it so i had to just turn down the volume really low. 

    The seat didn't have time to probably warm up and neither did the water. Making it a rather chilly spray. I will say this, that toilet's aim is dead on...and that's all I'll say.

    I still have never used a bidet and i didn't want my first one to be in a Japanese airport. I still don't know how those things work and seems like I'd waste more tp drying off than would be used normally. With all the paper we're saving using computers and kindles and email and ipads I'm sure there's plenty of paper to go around.

    uninteresting things part 2

    I made a photo album of things around the apartment. Uninteresting things that I’ve found that for some reason seem worthy of a kodak moment.
    I used Microsoft this time for this album, only because my picasa album for this account is almost full.
    We’ll see how this goes. If I don’t like it, I’ll use one of my other ten gmail accounts and upload millions of pictures.
    I’ll also go look around find more of these things. 
    Hope this time it actually works.

    Monday, November 8, 2010

    so many themes, or way too much time on my hands

    how do you like this one? Sick at home in bed and queasy on all the pills I'm taking at least I have themes and templates to play with.

    And Diana, thank you for your creative and contructive suggestion that was taken into consideration and after hours of trying to find the stupid thing to change it, was put into action.

    anything else you'd like?

    Sunday, November 7, 2010

    Why mom shouldn’t do things…

    Dad says things that still surprise me but mom does things that surprise me. 
    Mom likes birds. She had a bird for awhile and carried it everywhere. It ate her hair and crapped on everyone’s shoes and laid eggs in the most unreachable places that we would discover weeks later. It was supposed to learn how to ‘talk’ but only learned one whistle. 
    One whistle that it used only while we were watching TV. Or trying to talk on the phone, or anything that didn’t require birds whistling.
    It probably never liked me because I would chase it around the house with whatever was handy; a broom, vacuum, my shoe covered in bird crap.
    So mom shouldn’t be allowed to have birds in the house. Fair enough. 
    So now she has bird feeders outside the door. Right outside the door. Like you can’t exit the patio door without hitting your face in birdseed. Occasionally the birds will fly into the door and create a pleasing thump but that’s where my joy from them ends. Until a hording predatory evil comes crawling up.

    When mom sees squirrels get out of hand she knows how to deal. My mom takes my little Red Ryder BB gun that I got for Christmas with instructions not to shoot my eye out, and she shoots squirrels that don’t obey the law of the land. 
    I don’t think she should be allowed to shoot squirrels but since its only a bb gun and its like ten years old and I used to shoot siblings with it it can’t be all that bad. 
    I have it on good authority that she shouldn’t be allowed to have email either. She probably wouldn’t help out the prince of Nigeria but she would update her password and confirm account numbers and email it off to the ‘bank’ to which she doesn’t even have an account with.

    this is for you mom! Not quite what dad had in mind but i'm working on it! There's a bowie knife in there!

    Thursday, November 4, 2010

    uninteresting things part 1

    For the members of the fam that didn't get the link the first time, or that want to see it again. These were the boring things I found around the place or things I'd been up to around a year ago.


    Tuesday, November 2, 2010

    I try to kill things a lot, but it doesn’t work

    I made the mistake of clapping out of existence a tiny little gnat like bug flying around my screen. of course, opening my hands reveled the crushed little body and then it promptly fell into my keyboard and disappeared.
    From my bed I’ve successfully squashed what I thought were a few of these things but could actually be the same one since I never found the miniscule remains anywhere.
    So either there is some rotting fruit somewhere in my room or one lucky bug.
    but not anymore.
    And I don’t want to touch any number keys from this day forward.
    And now there is another one. mocking me.


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