no, you can't have my shoes

You can't even borrow my shoes. I am getting to be a mean old lady. And I'm not even that old or a lady. But I have no patience when it comes to Filipino shenanigans or come on's. When I go to the beach, I want a tan. And to pee in the water. And drink fruity beer and let it all hang out. But mostly tan and pee. So don't ask me to lend you my shoes because you were a dumb ass and forgot to being your own flip flops to the beach and are on some tour group outing and think you're the awesomest gift to lady kind because you style your hair and have fake Raybans.

After so many fruity beers your charms aren't so charming and your broken English is annoying and although your Chinese is clearly understandable...no, you can't borrow my ridiculously small sized flip flops to swim in the water because you didn't bring yours and have normal fake shoes from some night market in Taipei.
But thanks for asking.

Better luck next time.

Like when you worked your way over to the ladies sitting a few feet in front of us and talked them into letting you use some shoes while you tip toed around the water and left to get something to drink from 7-11. I'm sure Miss Second Choice Bigfoot got her shoes back eventually. I had a lovely time at the beach by the way.
Except for the jelly fish (or other stinging animal) that left horrible welts all over my legs. The next time I get myself in the ocean I will pee twice as much as a slap in the face to all the things that bite/sting/burn/touch me in the water.

the biggest snail i ever saw...i swear I'll update this post later

i saw the biggest snail i have ever seen in my life and of course i didn't have my camera. I was walking to the supermarket during class to buy some of my students ice cream that I had forgotten I promised them months ago. Of course they remembered so while they were enjoying movie day I snuck off across the street to find cheap ice cream. In the rain.
And the rain in Taipei brings out all kinds of life I never see on the sunny humid want to die in a puddle of your own sweat kind of days.
first there are the mosquito that congregate outside my front door in the stairwell of my apartment. By the time I finish with my electric racquet there's a pungent electrified bug smell wafting down four flights of stairs.

then there are the snails. I've seen some slugs in Washington, I've even stepped on a few to my ultimate horror. Think banana peel .... Although the worst thing I've ever stepped in would by own shoe...squirming inside with live maggot things that had crawled in during the night. How was I supposed to know there was a practical reason the local aboriginal people of some mountain town all wore flip flops and fake Crocs and that my sneakers were fair game for egg laying insects everywhere. They had just slaughtered a goat the night before, maybe I should have taken my shoes inside.
Anyways WA slugs have nothing on Taiwanese snails. First off, its a freaking snail, there's no way you're accidentally stepping on one of those suckers without noticing right away.

I've had too many beers to draw something adequately squishy and monstrously sized not to mention show maggots and singed mosquito death but I will leave everyone with this odd picture and I promise I'll revisit this snail thing when I feel more steady handed...

chicken from the supermarket, with head and feet

Look what I found on the side of the street!

its actually a fake owl, its post says "La New" which is a brand of shoe here in Taiwan.

rain rain, go away...wait no, come back...its too hot

This will start as a climate issue, and then digress into my sweatiness, you are have been warned.

Living in tropical climates really tests ones ability to withstand minor irritants that grow into giant sticky itchy sweaty rashy soggy major irritants. Observe my 'stinky shoes' for example.


I have a pair of beloved and cherished sandals that have been in the Pacific ocean, various lakes and city streets and have probably retained a bit of each environment in the form of odor displacing microbes.
I have only to wear them and remember rainy typhoon days that swept bits of the street dirt into the lining and i'm still knocking out grains of sand from the last beach visit....like six months ago.


Every summer my shoes make their debut to the chagrin of those in close proximity to my feet. These shoes have molded to every curve and crack of my soles so perfectly that it would be a tragedy and a lot of hard foot stomping work to start again with a new pair. I'm too lazy to even break in new shoes and prefer the ease of spraying febreeze and calling it good. Now these shoes have followed me to the humid habitat of Taipei and have taken on a whole new.... life.

I've found insects happily making babies in my shoes. eww



Minor to major irritant number two....t shirts. specifically white, gray, pink, yellow, or any other color that happens to change color where ever there is a collection of moisture on your body.

I'm under the impression that Asian people don't sweat, not like I do. That's why there is no deodorant here (I've found some men's deodorant but its only used in extreme emergencies of b.o.)

 I guess this climate has opened up new pores i never knew were connected to sweat glands.

Because I imagine sweat comes from some kind of gland like place floating under my skin...like  this
 







now that's tasty









but bank to my point, my students end up asking me if I just took  a shower, why is my shirt wet in the back, front, pretty much from the neck down. Like this

And yes, it drips just like that.

for the most part.

End of rant for now, I'm going to take a shower and cool off. And put my shoes outside.