no, you can't have my shoes

You can't even borrow my shoes. I am getting to be a mean old lady. And I'm not even that old or a lady. But I have no patience when it comes to Filipino shenanigans or come on's. When I go to the beach, I want a tan. And to pee in the water. And drink fruity beer and let it all hang out. But mostly tan and pee. So don't ask me to lend you my shoes because you were a dumb ass and forgot to being your own flip flops to the beach and are on some tour group outing and think you're the awesomest gift to lady kind because you style your hair and have fake Raybans.

After so many fruity beers your charms aren't so charming and your broken English is annoying and although your Chinese is clearly understandable...no, you can't borrow my ridiculously small sized flip flops to swim in the water because you didn't bring yours and have normal fake shoes from some night market in Taipei.
But thanks for asking.

Better luck next time.

Like when you worked your way over to the ladies sitting a few feet in front of us and talked them into letting you use some shoes while you tip toed around the water and left to get something to drink from 7-11. I'm sure Miss Second Choice Bigfoot got her shoes back eventually. I had a lovely time at the beach by the way.
Except for the jelly fish (or other stinging animal) that left horrible welts all over my legs. The next time I get myself in the ocean I will pee twice as much as a slap in the face to all the things that bite/sting/burn/touch me in the water.

the weirdest things i've seen today

UPDATED: 
hahaha, I totally just realized that my messed up teeth dude in the dentists' chair could totally be Mr. Garrison 

walking by the dentists office I saw an x-ray up on a screen near one of the chairs. There were more than 7 fake teeth screwed into this person's mouth. seriously...

I saw a monk, Buddhist monk, the one that usually chants outside of the station for donations, having a wee outside of the ramp to the parking lot for the hospital. I didn't know what he was doing facing the ramp, and still chanting. Then I saw the stream. Then again this guy buys lotto tickets while flicking his cigarette ash around.

Please stop scaring me chuck!

So apart from shopping all over the place and feeling very fashionable, due to my ride having to go to the birthday of a niece I ended my night at that magical black hole called Chuck E Cheese's.

that place has both delighted and scared the crap out of me ever since I was a kid. 

I was one of those kids too scared to jump up on stage and rock out with those mechanical contraptions that would spring to life when you least expected it.
One thing I was terribly disappointed in was the lack of a ball pit. That was the fun part; diving down, finding loose change and old socks. Random ball fights around the whole arcade. 
I don't know how we didn't get multiple diseases or how one would even clean a pit full of plastic spit covered balls or those hamster tubes that kids ran around in that finally ended in a pee covered slide. 
I'm not kidding, I watched a little boy pee down the slide before sliding down himself into the arms of his waiting mom. She scooped him up and whisked him away before being made to clean up after her demon child. I was stuck. Forever. For what seemed like forever.
I really don’t have much more to say, the food was mediocre, the lost children didn’t realize they were lost, and everyone looked sick and tired of the place as soon as they walked in.
I don’t even want to try and make that funny.