He's got the right idea

play basketball, swim, watch tv, eat ice cream, sit under the AC, draw pictures and...

Yup, that's right! Who wears clothes at home anyways? It's summer!

 And that's not how you spell teakettle.

a little surprise today

nothing much had been happening lately. No dreams worth mentioning, no pedestrian fashion disasters to report, the students are just trying to get through lessons as painlessly as possible and survive their midterms. 

Although today was immensely more amusing than yesterday. Wednesdays can be painful and are the main source of my stress and parental complaints or they can be a hump day treat. 

Today the older class had little situations to act out pertinent to the unit and came up with some good stuff. From dragging another classmate to donate blood to a heart wrenching display of helping the elderly. The girl playing the old woman found a way to die after listening to the story that was read to her. 

So that was in the afternoon, in the evening were the smaller, younger class. These 2nd graders aren't too bad, there's only a few lost causes. Most of them are quiet smart. There are two kids who still piss themselves occasionally but it hasn't happened in awhile. I thought we were past it. 

Well, while the kids were standing around the back of the classroom waiting for my co teacher to check some of their work when I notice the students in the back are pointing to something on the floor. 

Mr. Pee pants is standing in the center of the general pointing and being confused circle so I walk to the back of the classroom and see what's up. 

And there on the floor are three little poo piles. A few crumbs and a nice glob are in front of the co teachers desk. The girls standing next to the culprit ask what is that. I swear I didn't know at first. Because this would be the first time I've sighted crap on the floor of classroom that wasn't swarming with kindergarten kids still getting the hang of potty training. 

So he just stands there while I send the rest of the class out and give them some candy so hopefully they'll have forgotten about it before they go home and tell their parents. 

A few other chinese staff members come up and help clean up. You'd think a school would have proper poop picking up equipment, not paper towels, a plastic bag and a spray bottle of alcohol.

The only dude co teacher who works at the branch tried to get Mr. Hankey as I shall now call him to admit it but that kid still just stood there in the middle of his own mess and didn't say anything. Didn't even cry or help clean up or say anything. 

The bell rang and the kids were back in their seats after the break and my co teacher informed me that she had actually seen Mr. Hankey drop a few, I had to run outside the classroom and ended up with a stitch in my side from laughing so hard. 

We decided to pretend the whole thing didn't happen and not tell the kids to not make fun of anyone who just happened to make a deposit on the floor. Although for the rest of the class I was reluctant to touch anything that came from the vicinity of Mr. Hankey's chair.

And then of course on the way out he left a few more drops in the hallway. This was totally better than yesterday when nothing really happened.

i had to promise

So, the question was
1. Which do you ignore the most?
a. your homework                     b. the tv                          c. your parents

and most of the students picked a, of course. And then little Elaine timidly raises her hand, and asked "You're not going to tell my parents are you? Don't tell my parents..." and tells the whole class she ignores her folks the most.
Precious.
Of course anyone with a cellphone in the class threatens to call her mom and I can't help being highly amused.
I'll just gloss over the fact that the majority of the class just admitted to basically faking it on all their homework and writing it a few mins before class.
Oh well. At least they told it to me in English.

the biggest snail i ever saw...i swear I'll update this post later

i saw the biggest snail i have ever seen in my life and of course i didn't have my camera. I was walking to the supermarket during class to buy some of my students ice cream that I had forgotten I promised them months ago. Of course they remembered so while they were enjoying movie day I snuck off across the street to find cheap ice cream. In the rain.
And the rain in Taipei brings out all kinds of life I never see on the sunny humid want to die in a puddle of your own sweat kind of days.
first there are the mosquito that congregate outside my front door in the stairwell of my apartment. By the time I finish with my electric racquet there's a pungent electrified bug smell wafting down four flights of stairs.

then there are the snails. I've seen some slugs in Washington, I've even stepped on a few to my ultimate horror. Think banana peel .... Although the worst thing I've ever stepped in would by own shoe...squirming inside with live maggot things that had crawled in during the night. How was I supposed to know there was a practical reason the local aboriginal people of some mountain town all wore flip flops and fake Crocs and that my sneakers were fair game for egg laying insects everywhere. They had just slaughtered a goat the night before, maybe I should have taken my shoes inside.
Anyways WA slugs have nothing on Taiwanese snails. First off, its a freaking snail, there's no way you're accidentally stepping on one of those suckers without noticing right away.

I've had too many beers to draw something adequately squishy and monstrously sized not to mention show maggots and singed mosquito death but I will leave everyone with this odd picture and I promise I'll revisit this snail thing when I feel more steady handed...

chicken from the supermarket, with head and feet

update

Blister popped by Chi, he got splattered with high velocity pus, and it was gross. He was not amused.


end of update.


oh yeah, and this happened. 

those crazy antisemitic 6 year olds can't spell 'are!'

just a few thoughts

i have that older class of junior high school kids on Saturdays. today we read an article about rock and roll fantasy camp. Oh yes, for only thousands of dollars, you can pretend to rock out with aging rock stars. I asked the students who their favorite rock star was. They asked me what rock and roll was. I couldn't really say.