more spams

My favorite spam comment so far! 

yeah, so don't click any of those links.

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hooray!- from november

I wrote this back in November 2012 and never published it. I was going to draw some pictures but I couldn't come up with anything. Suggestions? It has been months since I wrote anything so here's what I got so far. 


I finally got my laptop back. It was held hostage at a lame repair place until I finally got sick of waiting for them and picked up my phone and called... I was about to go on and give a scathing review but I guess I'll save that for yelp or google or any other review websites I can think of. I'll unleash later.

for now, updates...most recently: there was a coyote howling outside the house! Craziness.

before that...

I got a job in case anyone wasn't aware. And while it's not a movie job, like 'sports marketing' or 'organic juice stand owner' it does pay my bills. Barely. Probably because I have no real bills at the moment.

 But in order to make up for not being as glamorous as an art gallery director and just sitting at a desk all day processing claims they try to make up for it by making it a pretty darn laid back place to work.

 I was told, short of wearing pj's we can wear what we want. That means for most of the week I'm in sweats, until all my sweatpants are in the laundry and I have to wear actual pants.

Let's see, what else has happened. I have gone coat shopping (successfully), pot shopping (unsuccessfully) for a potted plant of course, the lady at the garden center of Lowe's was confused for a minute, and I need a haircut. But that's neither here nor there. But it certainly is somewhere on my list of things to do that would keep getting longer if I could remember where I wrote that list to begin with.

Oh yeah, the weather sucks. I ran into a lake and...
And that's as far as I got with that sentence back in November. I really wish I had finished that sentence because I honestly don't remember running into a lake. Interesting.

my lousy high school day

I wasn't going to write about this, because it's pretty humiliating and some people will not want to hear about the very slim chance there was a teeny tiny scratch on the car...but anyways...

so today is the day before thanksgiving, what was supposed to be an awesome day. Just get through the work day and four day weekend. Yesterday was a lovely catered Thanksgiving lunch by the company, of which I took home the most food.

So then here's how my day starts...

I forget to put on deodorant, well it still could be ok because hopefully I won't sweat that much.

And then it just gets better.

So what could be more high school than high school than getting a zit and forgetting to put on deodorant?

How about backing up into a curb in the parking lot on my way home?

And then when the car hits the curb, I put it into drive which was actually Neutral  which of course means that the car is not going anywhere, so then I think I've put it straight up on the curb and it's not moving and how the hell do you get a car off a curb if its not moving?

well luckily I finally figure out what an idiot I was being and put it into drive, and drove home without much incident and poured myself a nice tall glass of wine and then a margarita to top it off.
Because I'm certainly not in freaking high school anymore (despite having all kinds of dreams about that constantly) and I'm an adult dammit. Bad days will happen I guess. I'm sure tomorrow will be better.

Unless my face totally breaks out, I run out of deodorant, I crash the car into my own mailbox all before leaving to have dinner with my fiancee's family.

:(

Happy Freaking Thanksgiving.

I really enjoy hanging out with my fiancee

Sometimes he can be really super nice.  Like for old ladies that take up space on the sidewalk with all their cumbersome used shopping bags full of farmer's market stuff that gets stuck to branches of bushes.

And some times it's surprising when he isn't. Like when we're walking the aisles of Target and come upon a trail of what appears to be chocolate milk or coffee drops leading mysteriously off in the distance and ending underneath the cart of a lovely looking woman browsing bathroom towels.

But there's always a reason.

i love answering questions

I'm not sure about the rest of it, but I love answering questions. And becca gave me 11 of them. So for anyone interested.

My 11 questions:

what are you currently reading or would like to read?

Currently Reading

 

The Frozen Rabbi , by Steve Stern

update status

started on September 22, 2012

 

White Jazz , by James Ellroy

update status

started on September 22, 2012

 

Oryx And Crake , by Margaret Atwood

update status

started on September 22, 2012

 

Nixonland: America's Second Civil War and the Divisive Legacy of Richard Nixon 1965-1972 , by Rick Perlstein

update status

started on August 17, 2012

 

The Chrysalids , by John Wyndham

update status

started on August 17, 2012

 

Augustus: Son of Rome , by Richard Foreman

update status

started on August 02, 2012

 

Blood Meridian , by Cormac McCarthy

update status

 

50%

 

If you could have dinner with one person living or dead who would it be?

Either Rene Redzepi (runs the supposed best restaurant in the world) or Moses, see what it was like surviving ten plagues.

If you could go back in time to one day in your life which day would it be and why?

Probably my best birthday ever, the one with the pinata, and I would break it open this time and not let everyone else have a turn because it was my birthday dammit and I should have broken it open and then used the bat to beat away the children from my birthday pinata candy, because I'm incredibly selfish, that's why.

Long or Short hair? 

Long in the winter, short in the summer, I look awesome with short hair, but I have drawers full of hair stuff and I love putting my hair up.

Favorite cartoon as a kid?

This one creeped me out, but it was like a car accident, I just couldn't look away.

 

But I guess favorite cartoons would be the ones where Bugs Bunny dressed up as a girl. 

Morning or night person? 

Night person for sure.

If your life was a movie what would it be a comedy, drama, horror? 

I'm happy to say there's nothing that horrifying or especially dramatic in my life right now so I'm leaning towards mockumentary, and as soon as I start work, hopefully it'll be like The Office.

If you found yourself pregnant at this moment would you want a boy or girl?

I hope that it wouldn't be any generic sex but be the new generation of mutants that X-Men has promised us will happen sometime soon. So boy or girl, it just has to fly and have scales and mimic any voice so I can have celebrity voice mail messages.

Hit shuffle on your iPod or if you don't own one turn on the radio and name the first song that plays?

Missy Elliot: Pump It Up

And then I tried it seven more times and got : Cake, Foo Fighters, Monica, The Postal Service, Eminem, Foreigner and Soundgarden.

If you were a singer and had to pick a duet partner who would it be and why?

 Either La Roux because I can totally get 5 stars on Expert when I sing Bulletproof on Rock Band so everyone would think I'm just that good, or Eminem and I would spit some slick rhymes like only two white people can.

+= what I could sound like.

name the last movie you watched be it on TV or in the theater? Hustle and Flow

And then I hit shuffle five more times: 

Stevie Wonder, Yelawolf, Soundgarden, Coldplay, Pearl Jam

Awesome.

job hunt

So I turned down my first job offer. This was how I felt when I got offered a job...

awesome, this isn't as bad as I thought it would be, I won't spend months looking for a job and being broke and getting more and more hopeless as the weeks drag on

And this was how I felt when I turned it down...

There will be other chances and better paying/better locations/better jobs, I'm worth more than what they're offering and I can hold out until a better opportunity comes along. And I don't want to start my commute at 4AM.

And this is how I feel now.

Someone has to call back sometime. I mean I couldn't have turned down the only job offer in the state? Could I?

And that's about it.

But I'm still hopeful.

UPDATED:
I accepted my second job offer. So I guess it isn't all that bad.

Haiku Monday Winner

Holy crap that was awesome! I really hope I win again one of these days because getting haiku's all over me was certainly the highlight of my week! 
Thank you all for sharing a little about yourselves and getting creative all over the place. While I tried to comment on everyone's haiku either here or at your personal blogs let me say a little something about the haiku's that stood out to me:

Rafael-  I'm totally stealing your lines for my next trivia team name because they're awesome. Although I prefer my Margarita's blended I love the different ways you can read the last line of your third haiku. Go team 'quickly spent wad!'

grins- both of yours really made me smile, and then I thought about it, and then I smiled some more.

Karl- You really hit the spot with summer ale and for making me use my dictionary.

Fleurdeleo- I love how it starts the night after work on such a high note and ends probably at last call in a puddle of tears and red wine stains.

fishy- I could almost feel the aroma therapy foam up my nose. 

Taking in to account the advice and opinions of dad and my literary friend and my fiancee, I finally picked out the one haiku that I adore not only for the picture in my mind but for the carefully crafted assault of the senses, I can almost see/smell/hear your haiku come to life.

The person who sent me the most  money captured the hearts of myself and my team of haiku readers is becca! Thank you and congrats! Now your group can get back to normal and thanks to all who played!

oh, snap ya'll I just won!

Guess what, I won a Haiku Monday! From this dude's blog! What a surprise (or total accident). I need a freaking trophy. One that would look like this: 

As I left the last of my talent on squeezing out one awesome haiku (as deemed by others) and few crap ones (as deemed by me, because who wants to hear about chicken feet) I shall suck down some inspiration celebrate with a much needed Margarita. As the chosen one, it falls to me to chose the next topic and judge for the upcoming week. What a responsibility...
Holy cocktail onion Batman! I just thought of a theme for next week. 

Happy Hour ya'll! Anyone with a  libation/relaxation/free cover charge/cocktail related haiku will be welcome. So I hear the rules are as follows: 
Write a haiku, leave it in the comments. 5-7-5 syllable format. Utterly awesome if you use kigo and kiru like a real badass haiku writer.
Write as many as you'd like and choose 2 you think are great enough to capture the hearts and attention of myself (and probably my parents too). 
Include a link to your blog with visuals if you'd like, that would please me but not necessary.
You have until Monday 9/10 at 4 (or around there) in the afternoon Pacific time. 

This was quite helpful for the rules and basics of haiku writing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku 

This is my first time so I might overlook things like counting syllables and all that but I'll totally do my best. Thanks again every one who gives it a try and for giving me a chance to do this. And go!

Haiku Monday!

 

my thoughts on Taiwanese food:

chicken feet and butt

stinky tofu, pig blood cake

appetite gone.

My thoughts on peaches

I devour it

suck pit dry and toss it out

need wet wipe now.

My thoughts on ambition

my life needs more

never finished until then

what to fill up with?

My mom on making me a tuna sandwich

Do you want onions?

I use sweet relish and salt

Or do you want plain?

Anger Management Haiku Monday